Christ Arose on Easter Day.

It was the simplest of Easter speeches.  An over zealous mother decided that her two and a half or three year old just HAD to say an Easter speech.  Meanwhile the kid normally doesn't say more than two words. I didn't go to church for Easter this year, and honestly, I didn't miss being there.

You may ask why? I've become more and more cynical about "religion."  Cynical literally means "contemptuously distrustful of human nature and motives."  BOY does that fit!  when I was in high school I went to church a lot. I was on the praise dance team, in the inspirational choir (where I held position of secretary), secretary of the Sunday school and even taught the little kids Sunday school class. I enjoyed it. With the exception of attending Sunday School, none of this was forced on em by my parents.  I'm not a morning person so waking up in enough time to be ready for Sunday school was very hard... but I digress.

Just as I was nearing the end of high school, things changed drastically for me.  There were things going on at my church- Pastor probably misusing funds, a battle about women preachers because it is a Primitive Baptist church and the rules are against women in the pulpit (which could really be a separate blog post- maybe one day), people attacking my mother's character, and more. Add to that another local preacher who was also misappropriating funds at his church and supposedly committing adultery with the church secretary, and drama at my dad's church, and I started to wonder about things.  All of this was going on as I went off to college, and it was a time where this instability wasn't helpful.  So I distanced myself. Sometimes when I came home for weekends I didn't even attempt to make it to church.  I could probably count the number of times I attended church during my four years at college.

I am a Christian, and I love God.  I have been blessed more than I could ever explain.  I know that the blue sky, the birds that sing, the wind that blows are because of Him. I don't wake myself up each day or make the brakes on my car work when a car pulls out in front of me! But I know that God is everywhere.  I feel that as Christians there is a huge difference in giving your testimony and letting people know how good God is and trying to force people into believing what you believe!  Going to church every Sunday won't save you!  I see people on Facebook or Twitter on Sundays accosting those who chose to stay home.  Meanwhile, while you are posting Twitpics or Facebook status messages, you aren't listening to the word from the man of God.  I'm tired of being told that I "need to go to church." Maybe you should pay attention while you are there and stop spending so much time worrying about me!   I just don't want to get back into the full activity of going to church, being in the choir, doing other activities, only to find out the pastor is screwing the deacon's wife, or that he used the church's money to buy his wife that gaudy pinky ring.

Speaking of the man of God, another reason I am skeptical of churches these days is all of the ministers that are popping up.  I never understood people who want to be a minister and just start preaching.  I've always felt like God calls  those he wants to use to share his word.  Every person in a pulpit was not chosen by God. And it can be very hard to tell who is really there to share God's word with His people and who just wants a check every Sunday and a BIG check on the Pastor's Anniversary.  (Not to mention the big churches that buy houses, cars, etc for these folks).  Add to it all the general judgmental nature of Christians. (Does me calling Christians judgmental make me judgmental?)  Some things I understand () but a person shouldn't feel embarrassed or scared to go to church because of what the "church folk" might say to and/or about them.

There is hope.  The newest pastor of my church is a wonderful man. His sermons move me, without a lot of yelling and jumping around.  He's a sincere and kind-hearted individual.  But even he can't make me feel like this whole "religion" and "church-going" thing is for me.  I do want to strengthen my relationship with God, and maybe start going back to church more, but I think that I may forever be really skeptical about it all.  Besides if God is everywhere, then he's at Bedside Baptist too!