Apartment Etiquette for Dummies

 So when I lived in my first apartment, I didn't have any issues with the neighbors.  (Unless you count the old man in the wheelchair who used to flirt with me.  Imagine that old dirty man voice saying "you shole look good" as you are walking to your car in a skirt on the way to church. Eww.)  Been at this complex a little over a year and I want to leave.  These people don't understand the small things that one must take into consideration when living in an apartment.  Apparently no one realizes that most of what they do affects their neighbors because of the close quarters.  So here is a list of things that people should and shouldn't do when living in an apartment setting.

1) Is there an apartment below you? Stop stomping around like an elephant in an aerobics class.
The guy above me is HOT.  Very hot. He's a younger guy, and I assume an undergraduate at Auburn.  But he is SO noisy.  For a while there every weekend he played the same song over... and over... and over.  Then he would watch the same loud action movie with explosion scenes. Well when he wasn't making that kind of noise, he was stomping around.  He hasn't been making noise by playing his music, but he walks so heavily. It's 3 am and I hear "boom boom boom" above me as he walks around his bed room.  You would swear this guy weighed 500lbs.  I know part of it is probably that the apartments need better insulation, but it doesn't stop the loud walking from keeping me up at night.  Someone should teach this kid how to tip toe.



2) Don't let your visitors take the "premium" parking spots.
It doesn't happen often, but occasionally I have to park much further away then I'd like.  If I'm just coming and going it isn't as big of a deal, but if I'm carrying groceries, or my 8lb pathology textbook, I'd like to be closer to my door.  Maybe your guest doesn't want to lug their suitcase from a further spot either, but they don't pay rent here.  They should be courteous and not take the premium spaces.

3) Don't let your dog sit on your patio/balcony and bark at passersby. 
I finally got this situation resolved by going to the office.  But a lady who lives above the apartment next to me lets her dog out on the balcony often.  Well this little eskimo dog barks at everything.  Dogs? He barks at them.  People? He barks at them.  Cats? He barks at them.  The wind? He barks at it.  Get my point? Well on weekends she'd let him go out on the balcony as early as 6:30 am and 5:30 weekdays.  Being a vet student I need every bit of sleep I can get.  That means that I get up in just enough time to get myself showered and dressed and the animals walked and fed.  I'll just tell you now that at 5:30 am on weekdays I'm just rolling over, and on weekends? I'm probably not awake enough to roll over.  Who wants to hear a dog barking at 6:30 on a Saturday? No one.  Plus he's got one of those yippy yappy little barks that echoes all too well.

4) Scoop your poop!
This is probably my NUMBER ONE pet peeve.  I have definitely gone to the office and told on a specific person who I've seen not picking up her dog's poop.  It's the lady with the eskimo dog from #3.  She's not the only one though.  Besides the health hazards involved in not picking up your animals waste (Check this out.), it is a rule.  And it's not some frivolous rule.  Who wants to step in dog shit while trying to walk their pets, heading to their car or even just strolling around the complex grounds? And what about all of the kids who play outside?  I'd hope that all the animals here are up-to-date on their deworming schedules, but considering that many of the parasites our pets can be infected with can be transmitted to humans, this is important.

5) Walk, don't run!
Not only could you fall and hurt yourself, but running up and down the stairs is VERY disturbing to your neighbors.  Especially when the fat chicks upstairs do it.  It sounds like a hippo stampede, it scares my cat, makes my dogs try to figure out what exactly was happening and it makes me think it's thundering outside.  I bet if I coated the steps with some baby oil you'd walk.

6) Spank your kids. 
Okay, maybe not.  But maybe.  There is a cute little boy here who is so sweet, but he's also kind of bad.  He doesn't listen, talks back, screams.  When I'm taking my very important Friday afternoon nap, or studying, I don't wanna hear that shit.  At the very least teach him to only yell at you indoors and that when he's on his scooter, bike, or skateboard it is rude to run into the doors of your neighbors.

7) Argue INSIDE. 
I don't get a lot of this here but I can count at least three separate occasions where an upstairs neighbor was arguing with a boyfriend.  One is a younger girl, whose ex-boyfriend came banging on her door.  I can understand not wanting to let him in, but y'all could go argue somewhere else please.  Or you could have just not answered the door and called the police.  Or why not argue through text messages like everyone else.  Then, just a week or so ago, another lady upstairs was arguing.  This one was pretty bad.  (I recorded it on my phone if I can get it uploaded I'll add it to my post).  But with my door closed I could hear every word clearly.  They were cursing and fussing like there was no tomorrow.  Just the fact that you can hear them pretty well on a recording made from my blackberry behind a closed front door speaks volumes about their volume.  It's ridiculous.

8) Leave me alone.
This one probably speaks to my anti-social tendencies.  But a couple of my neighbors always want to talk to me.  I don't ever want to talk to them.  I am fine with being cordial and saying "hi, how are you?" but that's about it.  I told "Crazy Mary" my name on several occasions, only to have her call me Kelly repeatedly.  Kelly and Alexis do not sound similar at all.  Another neighbor also tries to stop me to talk.  I don't want to talk to you people! I want to get my groceries in, walk my dog, or get my books out of the car and get into the house for my pre-study nap time.  I am not living here to make friends.  Let's speak and keep it moving.

In the grand scheme of things, people should realize that just like they pay rent here, so do those of us around them, and we deserve some peace and respect some times.