The temperature is heating up. Currently 80 degrees outside. This is the time of year where some people seem to throw hygiene out of the window. Last year when I worked in my hometown, we had a 2 or 3 week period where the heat index was up to 114 degrees. Needless to say whether I was at work or just in public, there were occasions where my nose was assaulted by a raunchy body odor.
I need you to all do better this year. First off, don't be scared of clinical strength deodorant! It is your friend. With a high heat index like we had last year for weeks in a row, everyone probably needs it. But if you sweat more than the average person (and you KNOW this is you, no one should have to tell you that), you really need to invest in the clinical strength deodorant. Keep those toxic fumes out of the environment.
Secondly, and this is very simple yet many still don't do it, WASH YOUR ASS. Simple. In the summer time I take two showers a day, and have been known to take more. Some of you want to say that your skin will dry out, etc. Well, bitches, that's why they make lotion! When you can start sweating simply walking from your house to your car, it's hot. It's so hot that you probably stink. Don't worry, it happens to the best of us, just don't be scared to take a second shower after you are done being out and about for the day. And stop using all that fruity ass soap and shit! Get you some good ass regular soap, and scrub your ass. Your water bill may be slightly higher, but if you notice your friends don't want to be around you as much, you might want to sniff your pits and hop on into that shower.
Last, but not least, do not, under any circumstances, try to cover up your funk. If you spray vanilla on shit what do you get? Vanilla shit! You can't cover funk with flowers. You were better off letting your funk linger than trying to mask it with that damn Victoria's Secret Love Spell. Yes, I'm talking to you, with the Bath and Body Words Warm Vanilla Sugar. Walk away from the body spray, and walk into the shower.
And please, by no means, think that this post was JUST for women. All of the above goes for men too. The bottom line is, it is summer. Tis the season to be funky. But it doesn't HAVE to be that way if you don't let it. You sweat, you shower. You need clinical strength deodorant, use it. You have funk don't try to cover it. Please, for the sake of the nose hairs of people who have to be near you, fight the funk this summer.
Bitches walking around smelling like they need an autopsy. I feel like only a doctor can fix this type of funk, and maybe a bath in bleach and a dusting with baking soda. I just don't get it. I have so many questions. Can you not smell yourself? Do you not bathe? Are you trying to use fancy soap? Because I think Maybe just a bar of the original orange Dial is what you may need. Are you anti-deodorant? Trying to use the fancy natural stuff? Go get some Secret Clinical Strength, for the sake of us all. I'm just appalled that a woman can smell like that. And if your body smells like this what is your house like? Maybe this is what watching Hoarders in smell-o-vision would be like, and I don't like it. I just pray that the cilia in my nasal cavity and upper respiratory tract are not damaged so they can continue to do their job.
