Farewell

Today is the last day of my 20s.  Bittersweet really.  Since 2003 I've had my biggest heartbreaks, met some awesome people, had some big losses.  I've grown, I've changed, I've matured.  I've gained weight.  I've cried many tears and had many laughs.  But as scary as the BIG 3-0 feels, I definitely wouldn't go back to the me I was 10 years ago.

So here it is. The last blog post of my 20s.  Hoping that my 30s brings lots of fun, good memories, laughs, and a man (lol but seriously though).  I don't have any big profound statement, I'm just ready to say goodbye to this decade and get on with the rest of my life.

Shit That's Offensive 101: Blackface

It happens every year at Halloween.  A white person gets the idea that they want to be a black character from a movie, tv show, etc.  It never occurs to them that people would get who they are without panting themselves black or dark brown.

If you want history about blackface click here:  Blackface on Wiki  Long story short: blackface is offensive to black people and it is not ever ever ever ever okay to do it.  Never.  So far this season we've seen a start dressed up in blackface as a character from Orange is the New Black, (She apologized- but she had to have known this wouldn't be okay.) then a girl standing in a picture between a guy who was dressed as George Zimmerman and a guy in black face was dressed as the teenager he shot, Trayvon Martin.  Knowing that this case had already made racial tension rise in this country, the disrespect of a white person using this dead child as a source of amusement was outrageous. Apparently to many the death of a black teenager was a source of amusement but it was not funny. Not even slightly. I've seen several other pics of people in blackface, and considering that there are still 2 days until Halloween I'm sure there will be more to come.

Yeah, some people claim to NOT know that they are being offensive, and may not have bad intentions but it is what it is.  I don't get how you wouldn't know, but apparently some people are still very sheltered and naive, or live under huge rocks, and so the last line of this blog is just for you!








So let me leave you with this.  If you ever want to know if it is okay to dress in black face, just ask the magic 8 ball:

Shooby Doo Bop I Wanna Love You Shooby Doo Bop Computer Love

Maybe I need to be thinking about something other than love because I've been writing about it a lot lately.  But I have to talk about this one.  Computer Love. Online dating. Even with the problem of catfishing going on, I tried it.  Signed up for a couple of sites.  No need for specifics or details.

Can I tell you what the issue with online dating is though? People are crazy.  Yep.  And they can't read. And the sites need better filters.  So let's get into the problems I've run into.

1) Race/Ethnicity issues.  This is where I feel like better site filters would be useful.  If my profile shows that I am black, and John Doe says he will date any race or ethnicity BUT black, why even show him to me?  I'm looking at matches, see a cute white guy.  Profile is looking great.  Then you get to what they want in a match and under race/ethnicity they've chosen white only, or they have checked every option listed but black.  That's John's preference. Good for him. But why show me someone who wouldn't even give me a second look?  That's a waste of time.

2) Religion issues.  I consider myself more spiritual than religious but I do identify as Christian.  While I respect other religions and a person's right to believe what they want, I feel like maybe someone of another religion wouldn't vibe well with me for very specific reasons.  (If you watch Love & Hip Hop think about Consequence and Jenn the Pen.  Yep.  I want to avoid stuff like that.)  So just like number 1, I need the filters to be better.

3) AGE.  It's nothing but a number they say.  BUT I have to draw a line at some point.  For some reason I attract old men.  Even though my profiles say I accept a certain age range guys who see that and are WELL over that range contact me anyway.  Sir. I'm not looking for a father figure.  I have a dad.  If something serious were to come from this (Match.com commercials say more of their users get married than any other dating site, woo hoo!) I would want kids.  And I want my kids' dad to be able to run around and play with them.  Not be sitting on the couch drinking his prune juice with his feet up because he has "the gout."  Nah homie.

4) Creeps.  Yep I attract those too! There's one guy who has messaged me at least 6 times, usually from a different account, but with the same picture- as if I wouldn't notice.  Who does this? Why do I feel like some episode of SVU was based off of your antics, sir?  Why do I keep waiting for Chris Hansen to come out and tell his creepy ass to have a seat, and offer him some tea? Why the hell are you so creepy and why do I attract creeps?

So needless to say right now I am not renewing my match.com subscription. We'll see how I feel later.

Thoughts on Love: WHERE IS IT????

In my last post, Thoughts On Love: Can you have it all?, I talked about love and whether or not I could have it all.  I have had people tell me than you can have it all, which brought up more thoughts, mainly WHERE is the love?

No. Seriously.  My bestie had to go all the way to South Korea to find love.  With less than 100 days until my 30th birthday this question plagues me daily.  WHERE is it? I mean what do I do? Do I let love find me? Do I look for it? And either way, where do I need to be? Sure some people will say "just pray about it and God will send him to you" but Billie Holiday said "God bless the child that's got his own" and I believe even when you pray for something just sitting around waiting on it won't bring it to you.  Maybe you should help him help you.

As a second year veterinary student, I spend 4-7 hours a day in a classroom.  After school? I nap and study.  I work 12 hour shifts on weekends.  So when I do have free time, I find myself trying to relax (or catch up on errands and house work).  I've never really been big on clubbing/bar hopping, and let's face it, that's not really where anyone wants to find their mate, right? I can tell you first hand that even though it seems like a good idea, finding a man at church can lead you to a headache (or a stalker. Don't ask.)  Some people have found love online but how do you know if it's for you? How do you weed out the creeps, the guys only looking for sex, and the guys could be a suspect on the next episode of SVU? How do you make sure you don't end up asking Nev and Max to prove to you that your online boo isn't a Catfish? (ok the last one is rhetorical.  The average person isn't dumb enough to become a victim like that).

I was told I could have it all, but honestly, I'm not sure how, especially with my current schedule.  I feel like I won't ever be in the right place at the right time to meet the right guy, and that makes me wonder if I should just place thoughts of love on a back burner until I'm done with school.  But that won't work either because by then I'll be 32 and I'd like to at least have some prospects y then.  So where do you find love?

130 to 30

 

According to the countdown on my phone, today marks 130 days until my 30th birthday. 30! Wow! I don't really know what it all means. I feel like I should feel something about that but I don't. Am I supposed to be excited? Happy? Sad? I am not really any of those. I just... am. 

I have done a lot of reflecting about life and my life in particular. I think that so far I haven't lived. I've merely existed. And that has to change. When 30 gets here I want to be a new me. Healthier me. Livelier me. Living and not just existing me. I want to get my passport and leave the country. I want to visit my friends who've moved away. I want to be more spontaneous. I want to worry less and have more fun. 

More fun. More excitement. I want to start out with some kind of birthday celebration but I have no idea.  I honestly haven't REALLY celebrated my birthday since I was a child. As an adult I haven't done anything big for my special day. I'm not the type to want a big party. And because my birthday is four days before Christmas it makes it hard... Some of the people I would want to celebrate with will be in their hometowns preparing to celebrate the holiday with families. Do I go on a trip? Head to Atlanta or New Orleans? And if so what do I do once I arrive? I've thought about getting a small group of friends together for a pole dancing party, dinner and drinks. Before the entire state of Florida seemed to lose its entire damn mind I wanted to go to the Harry Potter park at Universal Studios.  I also thought about getting a small group of friends together and doing a spa day. Maybe I'll figure it out soon. 

Thoughts on Love: Can You Have it All?

For a couple of years my sis and I had this conversation at various times. The topic? Can you have it all? Having it all meant getting your education and having a career, and having a loving relationship.  It felt as if our desire for careers was making our chances of finding love decline.  We'd had relationships throughout college and after, but none of them were "the one."

Now we're almost 30. She's engaged, working on another degree and her career is solid.  I'm in vet school- which takes up way too much of my time, and single. Very single.  And that's okay.  I am my favorite person to spend time with, but I do want a husband and kids one day.  One day soon.

So here's my dilemma.  My schedule right now? Hectic.  I had to work for the summer to pay for utilities, rent, groceries.  During the school year most days you spend 6-8 days in a classroom, and ideally another 3+ hours studying after school.  Weekends are generally used for errands, laundry, resting, and you got it-- more studying!  So is it even possible or logical to try to work a new relationship into that? Should I just wait until I graduate from vet school (at the age of 32) to even try to find love?  Some people say that you can have it all, just not at the same time, and if that's true that would mean putting off love for at least another 3 years.  By the time I actually met someone, dated, fell in love, got married, I'd be at or over the high risk age for pregnancy.  Right now I'm struggling over whether or not I want to specialize because that will take extra time (and money) away from my future family.

End the end, I'm probably over-thinking all of this, but anyone who knows me knows that is how I am.  But who doesn't think about this things? What person doesn't consider their future and different ways it might play out?  I guess I'll just wait and let the pieces come together on their own.

Hurricane Season: Is your pet ready?

June 1st  marks the beginning of one of my least favorite times of year, hurricane season.  Last year we had two named storms before the season officially began. Hopefully this year will bring a mild hurricane season, but being prepared is always important.

By now many people know what they'd do for themselves to prepare for this time of year. You have batteries and flashlights, a radio. You get bottled water and non-perishable food items. You keep your gas tank full in case you need to leave.  Windows are boarded and patio furniture is brought inside.  Many of us have figured out what's practical and what isn't and every year we "get ready."

But what about your pets? To most people our pets are more than just a dog that we tie up out back. They are family. And they need to be prepared for hurricane season as well.  You can go to Google and find all types of lists and tips for getting your pets ready.  I decided to share my tips, as a pet owner and life-time resident of the gulf coast, as well as an animal health professional.

1) Food.  This sounds obvious right? But think about it.  How many of you get down to the last few bites of food before heading out to the pet store to get more? How many of you have fed your pets treats or wheat bread for dinner because you were completely out of food and the pet store was closed? Don't do that during hurricane season.  Just like waiting for the last minute to get batteries, bottled water, etc will lead you to empty shelves and time spent driving all over your city in search of supplies, the same WILL happen with your pet's food.  This is especially true if your dog is on a prescription diet from your vet or eats a food that can only be found at certain stores.  Keep a smaller bag of food ready at all times so that if you have to evacuate or if you end up stuck at home for a few days, Fido and FiFi have food. Because let's face it, the humans will eat first and some of you won't be sharing your rations with the dogs.

2) Water.  Make sure your pet has plenty of fresh water to drink.  If you are evacuating, get some gallon containers and fill them up with tap water.  That way your pets can drink the water they are used to if you leave.  Some times the different additives in the water in various cities may upset your pet's stomach and quite frankly, doggy diarrhea is something you don't want to deal with while running from a storm.

3) Medication. Another obvious one, but remember, during this time, some things may be in high demand and you don't want to not have anything your pet needs.  You should stock up on flea and heartworm prevention for each pet as well as any other daily medications-- meds for pain, thyroid conditions, anxiety, seizures, etc.  If you have a pet that gets particularly nervous/anxious during storms, call your vet now to discuss getting something that can help calm them down during a hurricane or during your evacuation process.  Bottom line, God forbid a major hurricane comes through your town, you may be away from home for a while and you want to make sure your pet has any medications needed to maintain a healthy life.

4) Identification and restraint.  Every pet needs a collar with a tag that at least has your phone number.  Check tags and collars often for wear and tear so that you know they will not break when you need them.  Make sure your dog is leashed in the car ride or at a shelter.  Some shelters will allow pets but for their safety and the safety of others they will need to be leashed (and possibly crated).  Consider adding a harness for extra control and safety, as some pets can slip out of their collars easily.

 For cats (and small pets like ferrets, hedgehogs, etc) have a carrier available.  Make sure your information is located on this carrier. If you are evacuating and know where you are going, add that information as well.  Also, I have found that for my cat, it is easy to get him into this carrier because I leave it out all the time, so it doesn't just come out for trips to the vet, which could be scary.  That way if I need to get him into it quickly there isn't a struggle.

If your pet is not microchipped, this would also be a great time to think about doing so.  You'll also want to make sure that any changes in your contact info have been updated with the microchip company.

5) Vet records.  Make sure you have a copy of any vaccines your cats and dogs have received, as well as heart worm tests, fecal exam and feline combo test results.  Put them in a ziploc back and keep them with other important paperwork. 

Spoiled with a Sense of Entitlement: America's New Generation

How did we get here?

Abigail Fisher, a white student from Texas, sued the "college of her dreams" because she didn't get in.  She says she didn't get in because she was white, but her grades in comparison with those of the students admitted were mediocre. With a 3.59 GPA and a score of 1180 out of 1600 on the SAT, her credentials were far from horrible but they weren't great, and they weren't as good as the applicants she was competing with, so she didn't make the cut.  Never mind the fact that she went to another college, has since graduated, and unlike MANY other college graduates she already has a job, she deserved to get in and someone should pay!  

More recently, a set of girls at Howard University sued Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Incorporated because they weren't chosen for membership.  That's kind of the way these organizations work people.  A sorority or fraternity reserves the right to choose to whom they extend membership.  Sometimes you aren't chosen.  You go home, cry, throw something, and try again, or you just live with it.  

Let's face it.  People in American love lawsuits and petitions.  You don't get into the college of your choice, the sorority of your choice doesn't choose you, or you don't get the grade you want in a class, so you throw a tantrum and file suit, start a petition, protest.  It's life! When you were in elementary school you might not have been picked for a team on kickball day in gym. You won't always get what you want, and that is just how it is. I think part of what pisses me off is that there are people who ARE discriminated against, who won't be taken as seriously because of the way people make these frivolous gestures as often as they change clothes.  The governor of Alabama stood outside of a university to keep black students from attending, people are fighting for the right to get married, women's reproductive rights are under attack, and you want to have a bitch fit because you didn't do well enough to get into the school of your choice, were rejected by a sorority or got a bad grade? Please cry me a river, then go fall into it.  

The bottom line is this.  If you want something, work for it.  Don't feel like you are entitled to what you want in life.  

Mediocre Me

In August 2009, I was sitting in an auditorium when 95 strangers, embarking on a new journey.  My dreams had finally come true- I was in vet school. Yay me! One of the first things we heard during our orientation was the standard "look to your left, look to your right, one of these people may not be here when you graduate."  We were also reminded that even though many of us were at the top of our classes before, many of us would be at the bottom of the class in vet school.  I honestly had never heard that before, and it scared me.  Soon we met students from other classes and at some point heard what seems to be a popular vet school slogan, "C equals DVM."  In other words, grades don't really matter. Get Cs, and you will still get your DVM just like the person with straight As.  (Let's not mention the flaw in that considering that if one did get straight Cs, which equals a 2.0 grade point average, they would be below standards for most schools, but I digress.) No one wants to fail, because in vet school failing one class isn't like failing one class as an undergraduate that you get to retake.  In vet school failing one class means you aren't in vet school anymore. Now filled with the fear of being that person who would fail, I began to live by the C=DVM slogan.  Worst mistake I ever made. 

Now don't get me wrong, I was trying. I was studying. My classmate Eboni and I were often at school studying well after midnight. But for some reason, for the first time in my life, I developed test anxiety. Maybe being told that I might be one of the ones to fail was part of it.  But I went into each test more nervous than I'd been about anything in my life, thinking "if I fail this test... there are only two other exams in this class... did I study enough, etc" and I'd go in, take my seat, and my mind went blank. I'd often spend the first 20 minutes of an exam so freaked out, then have to rush to try to finish in the 40 minutes that remained.  I'd second guess myself and often ended up changing correct answers to incorrect ones.  I started having an upset stomach the day of each exam. Quite frankly after all that I was going through each exam day, "passing" was good  enough for me.  Before I knew it, Cs became a standard for me, and  I was just happy they weren't Ds or Fs, and was reminded constantly by classmates and others that C=DVM.  But it doesn't. When your test anxiety leads you to the point where you make a D and end up meeting with the academic committee, C no longer equals DVM. At that point the Cs tell them that you aren't trying hard enough, that if they gave you another chance you would still just barely scrape through.  

Once the committee dismissed me, I was angry.  I was angry at them for not understanding that I was retaining more information than my test scores showed.  The test anxiety brought my scores down but the information was there in my brain.  I was angry at myself for not seeking help with the anxiety sooner.  I was angry that I let myself get caught in a web of mediocrity knowing that I have always been the type to strive for excellence in all that I do.  I couldn't help but think 'if I'd had more As and Bs they would have been willing to give me another chance."  But at the same time I knew that because the test anxiety was there, the scores wouldn't have been where they needed to be to show the committee that I was learning and I deserved to be there. 

So I made a decision.  No more mediocre me.  I would get help with the anxiety  and remove "C equals DVM" from my mind and my vocabulary.  Cs weren't good enough for me in high school or  college, and they damn sure won't be good enough now.  Now that I've been admitted to another vet school, I finished my first semester with 1 A and 3 Bs, and I plan to do even better this semester. Being mediocre is like being at the edge of a cliff, where one mistake can cause you to plummet into the deep abyss of failure.  For some people being "good enough" is good enough, but for me it never was, and it never shall be again.