Touch My Body

Something I heard today made me start having all these weird random thoughts and I really just need to get it all out of my head.  So there are people out there in the world who don't like to be touched.  Some are "germaphobes" and others just don't like for other humans to make physical contact with them.  Okay, got it.  But what always pops into my head when I hear about people like this is sex.  Yep.  Sex.  Often these people are single, but not always.  Sometimes they are married or in relationships and I just wonder how sex works for them.  If you don't like to be touched does that mean that you don't like sex? Do you just lay there like a ragdoll watching the clock tic by, hoping that it's over soon? And what about foreplay and kissing?  I know that physical intimacy isn't the only type of intimacy, but is the sex just cold, awkward robotic jerking or does your disdain for physical contact go away when it's time to get down?  And I guess cuddling and spooning is out of the question? Okay.  That's it, I'm done.  I'm just thinking "out loud."  

Farewell

Today is the last day of my 20s.  Bittersweet really.  Since 2003 I've had my biggest heartbreaks, met some awesome people, had some big losses.  I've grown, I've changed, I've matured.  I've gained weight.  I've cried many tears and had many laughs.  But as scary as the BIG 3-0 feels, I definitely wouldn't go back to the me I was 10 years ago.

So here it is. The last blog post of my 20s.  Hoping that my 30s brings lots of fun, good memories, laughs, and a man (lol but seriously though).  I don't have any big profound statement, I'm just ready to say goodbye to this decade and get on with the rest of my life.

Shit That's Offensive 101: Blackface

It happens every year at Halloween.  A white person gets the idea that they want to be a black character from a movie, tv show, etc.  It never occurs to them that people would get who they are without panting themselves black or dark brown.

If you want history about blackface click here:  Blackface on Wiki  Long story short: blackface is offensive to black people and it is not ever ever ever ever okay to do it.  Never.  So far this season we've seen a start dressed up in blackface as a character from Orange is the New Black, (She apologized- but she had to have known this wouldn't be okay.) then a girl standing in a picture between a guy who was dressed as George Zimmerman and a guy in black face was dressed as the teenager he shot, Trayvon Martin.  Knowing that this case had already made racial tension rise in this country, the disrespect of a white person using this dead child as a source of amusement was outrageous. Apparently to many the death of a black teenager was a source of amusement but it was not funny. Not even slightly. I've seen several other pics of people in blackface, and considering that there are still 2 days until Halloween I'm sure there will be more to come.

Yeah, some people claim to NOT know that they are being offensive, and may not have bad intentions but it is what it is.  I don't get how you wouldn't know, but apparently some people are still very sheltered and naive, or live under huge rocks, and so the last line of this blog is just for you!








So let me leave you with this.  If you ever want to know if it is okay to dress in black face, just ask the magic 8 ball:

Shooby Doo Bop I Wanna Love You Shooby Doo Bop Computer Love

Maybe I need to be thinking about something other than love because I've been writing about it a lot lately.  But I have to talk about this one.  Computer Love. Online dating. Even with the problem of catfishing going on, I tried it.  Signed up for a couple of sites.  No need for specifics or details.

Can I tell you what the issue with online dating is though? People are crazy.  Yep.  And they can't read. And the sites need better filters.  So let's get into the problems I've run into.

1) Race/Ethnicity issues.  This is where I feel like better site filters would be useful.  If my profile shows that I am black, and John Doe says he will date any race or ethnicity BUT black, why even show him to me?  I'm looking at matches, see a cute white guy.  Profile is looking great.  Then you get to what they want in a match and under race/ethnicity they've chosen white only, or they have checked every option listed but black.  That's John's preference. Good for him. But why show me someone who wouldn't even give me a second look?  That's a waste of time.

2) Religion issues.  I consider myself more spiritual than religious but I do identify as Christian.  While I respect other religions and a person's right to believe what they want, I feel like maybe someone of another religion wouldn't vibe well with me for very specific reasons.  (If you watch Love & Hip Hop think about Consequence and Jenn the Pen.  Yep.  I want to avoid stuff like that.)  So just like number 1, I need the filters to be better.

3) AGE.  It's nothing but a number they say.  BUT I have to draw a line at some point.  For some reason I attract old men.  Even though my profiles say I accept a certain age range guys who see that and are WELL over that range contact me anyway.  Sir. I'm not looking for a father figure.  I have a dad.  If something serious were to come from this (Match.com commercials say more of their users get married than any other dating site, woo hoo!) I would want kids.  And I want my kids' dad to be able to run around and play with them.  Not be sitting on the couch drinking his prune juice with his feet up because he has "the gout."  Nah homie.

4) Creeps.  Yep I attract those too! There's one guy who has messaged me at least 6 times, usually from a different account, but with the same picture- as if I wouldn't notice.  Who does this? Why do I feel like some episode of SVU was based off of your antics, sir?  Why do I keep waiting for Chris Hansen to come out and tell his creepy ass to have a seat, and offer him some tea? Why the hell are you so creepy and why do I attract creeps?

So needless to say right now I am not renewing my match.com subscription. We'll see how I feel later.

Thoughts on Love: WHERE IS IT????

In my last post, Thoughts On Love: Can you have it all?, I talked about love and whether or not I could have it all.  I have had people tell me than you can have it all, which brought up more thoughts, mainly WHERE is the love?

No. Seriously.  My bestie had to go all the way to South Korea to find love.  With less than 100 days until my 30th birthday this question plagues me daily.  WHERE is it? I mean what do I do? Do I let love find me? Do I look for it? And either way, where do I need to be? Sure some people will say "just pray about it and God will send him to you" but Billie Holiday said "God bless the child that's got his own" and I believe even when you pray for something just sitting around waiting on it won't bring it to you.  Maybe you should help him help you.

As a second year veterinary student, I spend 4-7 hours a day in a classroom.  After school? I nap and study.  I work 12 hour shifts on weekends.  So when I do have free time, I find myself trying to relax (or catch up on errands and house work).  I've never really been big on clubbing/bar hopping, and let's face it, that's not really where anyone wants to find their mate, right? I can tell you first hand that even though it seems like a good idea, finding a man at church can lead you to a headache (or a stalker. Don't ask.)  Some people have found love online but how do you know if it's for you? How do you weed out the creeps, the guys only looking for sex, and the guys could be a suspect on the next episode of SVU? How do you make sure you don't end up asking Nev and Max to prove to you that your online boo isn't a Catfish? (ok the last one is rhetorical.  The average person isn't dumb enough to become a victim like that).

I was told I could have it all, but honestly, I'm not sure how, especially with my current schedule.  I feel like I won't ever be in the right place at the right time to meet the right guy, and that makes me wonder if I should just place thoughts of love on a back burner until I'm done with school.  But that won't work either because by then I'll be 32 and I'd like to at least have some prospects y then.  So where do you find love?

130 to 30

 

According to the countdown on my phone, today marks 130 days until my 30th birthday. 30! Wow! I don't really know what it all means. I feel like I should feel something about that but I don't. Am I supposed to be excited? Happy? Sad? I am not really any of those. I just... am. 

I have done a lot of reflecting about life and my life in particular. I think that so far I haven't lived. I've merely existed. And that has to change. When 30 gets here I want to be a new me. Healthier me. Livelier me. Living and not just existing me. I want to get my passport and leave the country. I want to visit my friends who've moved away. I want to be more spontaneous. I want to worry less and have more fun. 

More fun. More excitement. I want to start out with some kind of birthday celebration but I have no idea.  I honestly haven't REALLY celebrated my birthday since I was a child. As an adult I haven't done anything big for my special day. I'm not the type to want a big party. And because my birthday is four days before Christmas it makes it hard... Some of the people I would want to celebrate with will be in their hometowns preparing to celebrate the holiday with families. Do I go on a trip? Head to Atlanta or New Orleans? And if so what do I do once I arrive? I've thought about getting a small group of friends together for a pole dancing party, dinner and drinks. Before the entire state of Florida seemed to lose its entire damn mind I wanted to go to the Harry Potter park at Universal Studios.  I also thought about getting a small group of friends together and doing a spa day. Maybe I'll figure it out soon. 

Thoughts on Love: Can You Have it All?

For a couple of years my sis and I had this conversation at various times. The topic? Can you have it all? Having it all meant getting your education and having a career, and having a loving relationship.  It felt as if our desire for careers was making our chances of finding love decline.  We'd had relationships throughout college and after, but none of them were "the one."

Now we're almost 30. She's engaged, working on another degree and her career is solid.  I'm in vet school- which takes up way too much of my time, and single. Very single.  And that's okay.  I am my favorite person to spend time with, but I do want a husband and kids one day.  One day soon.

So here's my dilemma.  My schedule right now? Hectic.  I had to work for the summer to pay for utilities, rent, groceries.  During the school year most days you spend 6-8 days in a classroom, and ideally another 3+ hours studying after school.  Weekends are generally used for errands, laundry, resting, and you got it-- more studying!  So is it even possible or logical to try to work a new relationship into that? Should I just wait until I graduate from vet school (at the age of 32) to even try to find love?  Some people say that you can have it all, just not at the same time, and if that's true that would mean putting off love for at least another 3 years.  By the time I actually met someone, dated, fell in love, got married, I'd be at or over the high risk age for pregnancy.  Right now I'm struggling over whether or not I want to specialize because that will take extra time (and money) away from my future family.

End the end, I'm probably over-thinking all of this, but anyone who knows me knows that is how I am.  But who doesn't think about this things? What person doesn't consider their future and different ways it might play out?  I guess I'll just wait and let the pieces come together on their own.